Kanye West Owes me $300 by Jensen Karp

Disclaimer - I would never have read this gem if it wasn't for The Husband.  He is a hard core rap fan.  I am not.  I dabble in rap.  He lives in rap.  I was thinking this morning about if someone were to write a story about us, what would the title be...  I think I came up with the perfect one, loosely based on a book by John Steinbeck.  Our story would be titled "Of Animals and Rap" - I love animals and The Husband loves rap.  The Husband read this book during our vacation in August and was giggling and laughing the whole time.  So, after I finished my vacation read, I started reading this one on/around August 23 and finished it on/around September 16.  This one took a little longer to read because I started a meditation practice and I tend to do my meditations before bed, which is when I usually read.  So, I sort of put reading on the back burner a little in order to get my feet wet with meditation.  After meditating, I usually fall right asleep.

Regardless, I read this rap book.  It was hilarious.  The author, Jensen Karp, grew up basically where I grew up.  He mentions many places that I know and have been during my upbringing in the San Fernando Valley.  His observations and remembrances are pretty spot on and funny.  Jensen is a white Jewish boy who dreamed of becoming a rapper.  His dreams came true at a Bar Mitzva where he rapped.  Through a wild set of crazy circumstances, Jensen finds himself in front of Jimmy Iovine the head of Interscope records getting a deal to become the next white rapper (this is at the same time Eminem was coming up).  Despite a little voice in the back of Jensen's head telling him that this was a bad deal because how was Interscope going to promote 2 white rappers at the same time, he was so gung-ho that he took the deal.  Interscope threw lots of money and people at him - he met all kinds of famous rappers and artists he idolized, including RZA, how could he turn that down?

I was surprised to find a mention of Ry Cooder - he wrote a book called Los Angeles Stories that I read back in September 2014.  Jensen wrote:

I had been introduced to Mathew Robinson, a writer who moonlighted as Matty Boom in Trilambs, a humorous rap group that had been garnering attention throughout LA with their over-the-top skewering of hip-hop culture.  The comedy-focused group was made up of about a dozen members, including some music royalty - ranging from Quincy Jones's grandson to Ry Cooder's son - who had little to no history in rap.  They would sample songs that had zero chance at eventual clearance, stealing elements from the Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel, while employing ridiculous lyrics influenced by the stream-of-consciousness style of Ghostface Killah but mostly just mentioning how they were rich enough to own a camel or reminiscing about the year that homeless people went crazy.

Where else are you going to get a mention of the Beatles, Quincy Jones, Simon and Garfunkel, and Ghostface Killah all in one place?  In this book, apparently.  And, apparently, Kanye West, was a humble music producer peddling his beats to anyone who would listen before he became a famous, rich, crazy person.  Jensen worked with Kanye and wrote about the first time he spoke with Kanye:

On the resulting conference call with our managers, Kanye was polite and accommodating, excited to be making what would be, at the time, the most money he'd ever made from music: somewhere between $5000 and $7500.  But that all took a quick turn when he heard what track I selected.  The vision and stubborn determination we're now accustomed to seeing from Kanye suddenly cropped up out of nowhere.

     "But that's the one I made for Ghostface", Kanye explained.

     One of his managers, Gee, reminded him that Ghostface had heard it and passed.

     "Yeah, but I gotta talk to him.  Pick another one."

     I said excitedly, "Oh, you know Ghostface?"  Even after my personal experience with RZA, I still wasn't cool enough to hide my enthusiasm whenever Wu-Tang was mentioned. 

     "No," Kanye said abruptly.

This recollection of Jensen's first in-person interaction with Kanye made me laugh out loud:

 I was also pretty taken aback by what "K.West" looked like.  The swagger you see in the megastar now was entirely absent.  His Enyce tracksuit jacket and baggy pants were about two sizes bigger than anything a rapper would wear, even in 2001.  He was sporting an outfit that a fifty-year-old woman in a wardrobe department would put together if "rapper" was mentioned in your script.  We were more than a decade away from rappers mentioning Tom Ford and Marc Jacobs in songs - or from Kanye debuting his own weirdo high-end clothing line during Fashion Week - but the guy looked just plain goofy.  And the gold chains and Jesus piece that would eventually appear around his neck were replaced by the only bling he had at the time: adult braces.  I vividly remember saying, "This guy looks like Bowfinger" to my manager, who would whisper "Urkel" in my ear over and over.

Apparently, Kanye was dorky.  Who knew?

This book is hilarious, from Jensen's rap persona's name - Hot Karl - to his stories of interactions with Kanye and everything in between.  If you know anything about rap at all and/or grew up in LA, you'll find this book comical, entertaining, and interesting.  The Husband was surprised about how many of the rappers I remembered from his random rap-like tales of rappers he likes.  I feel proud that I can shock him with my rap knowledge.  I don't necessarily share his love for rap, but I love him.  So, maybe by affiliation I love rap too.  I don't know.  But this book was funny.

Oh, and if you read it, you'll learn why Kanye owes Jensen Karp $300.  I, personally, think Kanye should pay him back.