Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore

After finishing Tales from Watership Down on April 8, I had a little time off from reading until my next book came from Amazon - Bloodsucking Fiends by Christopher Moore.  Sadly, our local public library didn't have this book.  I started this on April 17 and finished it on April 25.  I'm a sucker (no pun intended) for a vampire novel.  Yes, I read and liked the Twilight series (and the movies), I devoured the True Blood books by Charlaine Harris and enjoyed the HBO series, and I think I read at least one Anne Rice book way back when.  I also really liked the books Jane Bites Back, Jane Vows Vengeance, and Jane Goes Batty by Michael Thomas Ford.  I loved Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith (the movie wasn't as good).  Of course I loved Buffy the Vampire Slayer - the movie and the TV show.  So, maybe I have a thing for vampires.

A friend at work recommended Christopher Moore's series so I started with book #1 - Bloodsucking Fiends.  My work friend billed this as a funny vampire novel set in San Francisco with a group of misfits who work at the Marina Safeway on the night shift stocking groceries.  So, having lived in San Francisco for some time, I tend to enjoy reading books that are set in familiar territory.

And, if you've lived in San Francisco, you have to know the reputation of the Marina Safeway as a major pick-up place.  You know about the fog and how it rolls in, you've probably seen the Transamerica Pyramid, Coit Tower, Chinatown, and more.  All of those places have a role in this book.

It starts with Jody, a 30-something girl working in the Pyramid, who ends up being turned into a vampire.  C. Thomas Flood is a small town kid hell bent on becoming a writer.  He drove to San Francisco from Indiana and joins the misfits at the Marina Safeway courtesy of a homeless man called the Emperor.  Jody and C. Thomas become intertwined and crazy vampire shit happens.  C. Thomas becomes obsessed with reading vampire books while Jody sleeps the day away in a bedroom with no windows.  He tests her vampire abilities time and again to figure out what kinds of "powers" she has.  Mostly, it is a bust.

Here's a funny part of the book:

There's an explanation for this, she thought, standing in the bathroom looking at the turtles.  There is a perfectly good reason why there are two huge snapping turtles in my tub.

     "Do you like them?" Tommy was standing in the doorway behind her.

     "These are for me, then?" She [Jody] tried to smile.  She really did.

     "Yeah, Simon helped me get them home.  I didn't think I could carry them on the bus.  Aren't they great?"

     Jody looked in the tub again.  The turtles were trying to crawl on top of each other.  Their claws screeched on the porcelain when they moved.  "I don't know what to say," Jody said.

     "I thought that we could feed them fish and stuff, and you'd have a blood supply right here at home.  Besides me, I mean."

     She turned and regarded Tommy.  Yes, he was serious.  He was really serious.  "You haven't..."

     "Their names are Scott and Zelda.  Zelda is missing a toe on her back foot.  That's how you tell them apart.  Do you like them?  You seem a little reticent." 

So, yes, snapping turtles named Scott and Zelda.  You'll have to read to the book to learn of their fate.  It may or may not have something to do with 2 biker-ish burly men who make bronze statues.  Or it may not have anything to do with that at all...

Strange murders are afoot in San Francisco and it looks like C. Thomas is getting framed for them.  So, Jody, C. Thomas, the Animals, 2 cops, the Emperor and his 2 dogs all band together (in a peculiar way) to solve the murders and ensure C. Thomas isn't on the hook for them.

This book was a very fast read, super funny (especially if you know San Francisco), and quite clever.  I couldn't wait to read the 2nd book in this series, You Suck: A Love Story.  

Aside from a few inaccuracies in the San Francisco setting (BART doesn't run on the Embarcadero, Muni does, and no one calls it "The Noe Valley" just "Noe Valley"), this book gets 2 fangs up from me!